woensdag 8 september 2010

Enneagram and relationships

During an Equiboost horse coaching session, Equiboost defines the enneagram type of the coachee.

A question that often arises, is: if I am enneagramtype X, what is my perfect enneagram match for a happy and healthy relationship?

The answer is simple: there is no such thing as a perfect enneagram match, for the very simple reason that the enneagram is a dynamic personality model. For example, an enneagram type 9 and an enneagram type 5, both in balance, indeed make a really good match. But ! If the enneagram type 9 finds itself in a period of stress, it takes over the negative qualities of the enneagram type 6 ; or if the enneagram type 9 is in harmony, but the enneagram type 5 is out of balance, taking over the negative qualities of the enneagram type 7, it may very well be that tensions arise in the relationship. Nobody - some buddhist monks and other rare exceptions aside of course - is always in perfect harmony. Every enneagram type switches from balance to stress, back and forward, some more, some less, some with short intervals, some with longer intervals, depending on the situations that have to be faced in daily lives, the way they are handled and perceived and the level of self-awareness of the people involved.

The enneagram is not a "fix" model with continuous characteristics. Just like everything else, it is a matter of constant evolution, constant motion, constant growth, with here and there its setbacks.

Experience does however show that for example enneagram type 7 and 6 generally result in lasting relationships. The question is: are those happy relationships, or 'safe' relationships? Some are happy with a safe, secure relationship - others aspire more. Enneagram type 2 and 4 tend to go well together as well, provided that both partners are in harmony. If the 2 turns 8 in periods of stress, the relationship may become quite destructive and self-destructive. Enneagram type 7 and 1 can make a fun and happy combination as well. Again, provided that they are both in harmony.

When you feel ready to start a loving and healthy relationship, the most important thing remains to love yourself. One question covers it all: when you are in a relationship, always ask yourself: Do I love you because I need you? Or do I need you because I love you? The answer says it all.

For more information about horse coaching and relationships, you can also visit: http://www.equiboost.com/en/couples-39/

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